Baer 1st, 4288: 62 Days in the mortal realm
Didn’t feel like writing this last night. I had finished journaling and about 30 minutes later Isaac called our party together. I was curious what was to be said, nervous it was going to be directed at me for recent events, but thankfully my inflated head was wrong. Isaac seemed nervous, as though he was about to spill out some dark secret of his. Instead he gave us a thorough rundown of what had become of Billy and why.
“So... right. Billy,” Isaac began, “Billy is dead. Dead dead. Not unintelligent dead, or undead. He is ash on the wind dead. I understand that you're all upset, worried and maybe even angry now that I've just told you that I've destroyed Billy but please hear me out.
“Billy was an accident waiting to happen. It became very clear when in Sardik Gideon and I had to heal him because of an imbalance that became of him from trying to eat the Alop. The destructive forces so carefully holding him together would have wiped this part of the continent clear off if we had failed healing him.
“Other than that, you all need to understand that undead can be categorized into three types; 1) That which has no need to feed and exists solely on negative energy, 2) That which needs to feed to retain its mobility or other abilities, and 3) That which is driven to feed by an inescapable craving. After watching Billy for some time it had become apparent that he was one of the latter categories, most likely the second type. This meant that to retain his sanity and ability to function, Billy needed to feed, MUST feed, at regular intervals. His food of choice, as you might have guessed, was the souls of the living. And he doesn't just kill the living, or drain their souls. No, he destroys the souls utterly. Similar to what Pendral did to cleric rob,” that sent a chill through me. I hadn’t known Billy did that. I know he... ate them, but then again he did it only the bad guys right?
Isaac continued, “The act of utterly destroying a soul is an abomination, even by undead standards. Existence is cyclic in nature. Things are created, live, die, and then are recreated into new things. To continue his own existence, the creature Billy had become broke this cycle.
“It was all well and good to justify the destruction of a few black souls, but what about the life that would have later sprung from the energy their souls left behind? And what about those who might not deserve complete destruction? Mable was deluded and misguided, but not evil. Hubert can attest to that,” for a moment I got caught up on the realization that Mabel had been killed which shocked me greatly.
“The lycanthropes,” Isaac pushed on, unaware of my thoughts wanting a moment to process what had already been said, “Billy destroyed around Podunk were evil, but likely some of them had little choice in their lot in life if they wanted to survive. I could hardly blame them for taking an out when it was offered to them.
“In addition, these hunger cravings eventually overwhelmed Billy. He could go weeks, maybe even a month without feeding, but then he must. It is not a matter of choice. If he does not feed then his body will do it for him. That is what happened back in the ruins in the spider's lair.
“There was a final spider in that chamber, gargantuan beyond belief. Decrepit with age, grown into the wall, and wounded by the inferno we ignited in there. Seeing its helplessness, I let it be and left with the body of the warrior Choppin. Billy sensed the spider's weakness, and the richness of its soul. Such an ancient soul deserved better than ultimate destruction, so I did my best to order Billy away from the elder spider, but the cravings were too much for him. He lep to the top of the spider and proceeded to bash it to pieces, only stopping momentarily when the force of my will was able to push through the blinding hunger. Seeing that Billy was beyond reason, I did what I could to stop Billy. I risked my life to use this gaudy piece of jewelry,” Isaac pulled out his very flashy amulet for us to see, “to send him to a hostile plane of existence, which destroyed him utterly,” he then dropped his voice to that of reverence, “The elder spider was beyond hope of recovery at this point, so I used Hubert to end its misery as well. A pitiful end to such an old soul, even that of a spider.”
Isaac remained silent for a moment. No one dared say anything. Was there anything to be said. To me and how Isaac was talking to us, this obviously was not an easy decision he came to. He was very bothered by killing what sounded to be a very lethal member of the group. I always thought Isaac to be some tough and rough guy who had no empathy, but here he was letting us know is great detail all that went into this decision of his. A softness fell over him that wasn’t there before (Insert Beauty and the Beast ‘Something There’ minus the lovey dovey feelings).
“I had not been feeding Billy souls in the hope that he could sustain without them,” Isaac once more continued, “but it was a vain hope. This could have ended much worse as well. Billy might have attacked and eaten one of us. You all know what strength he had, likely we could not have stopped him before one of us was gone forever. And seeing how easily I gained partial control of him, it was only a matter of time until another, possibly more powerful, necromancer fought us and turn him against us,” he paused to let that sink in.
“Araja, I know you wanted to use his ability to detect marks, but seeing as how he was so heavily marked himself that is a dangerous game to play. There was no telling if his mark would become as virulent as the ancient mark you described from your childhood.
“Rekka, I know that Billy was your friend, but his unlife was not a thing to envy. Beholden to his hunger and at the mercy of any skilled death magician, he was a slave in that body. His soul is now free, and will be renewed in the next life. The boy you knew died in that cave, this form was a poor substitute until he reached his next stage.”
The softness then disappeared some as Isaac made a last attempt to be the stoic and an emotionless man I thought him to be, “Know that I did not reach the decision to destroy Billy lightly, and I do not revel in his second death. If the form he had were not so destructive I would have set him free, or taken him someplace else. However I could not risk that. He would continue to destroy souls, with or without me, and would be at a constant risk of being controlled by anyone who had the skill to do so. He was in my charge, so it was my responsibility to answer for his actions. You can chose to hate me for the choice I have made, but I stand by what I have done. I will hold no ill will to those who decide to leave my side. If you wish to attack me then do so. I will not fight back.”
It was a tense moment. Would someone actually attack Isaac? I knew if I had given a similar opportunity to everyone, I was certain that'd take advantage of it. At least I knew what it felt like to be where he was. To do something that would make supposed friends hate you. It was an unbearable feeling and I hadn’t a clue how he was able to stay so composed about it.
Rekka was the first to stand, obviously very hurt by what Isaac had said and done. She pointed at him, but when words failed her she quickly took off. Part of me liked the fact that she was hurt so deeply, but I couldn’t find joy in it. No. Instead my heart betrayed me and felt bad for her.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. As I pondered what Isaac said, it hit me with such force. His soul is now free... Was he joking? If he wasn’t, then... this wasn’t the mark I knew to be so terrible! The mark would then just be, well what it appears to be... a mark. Unnoteworthy and seemingly harmless.
“Isaac,” I began, my hope rising by the seconds, “You said Billy’s soul’s free? Like, no God has automatic claim to him? Free to choose his destination?”
Isaac looked at me, his thick eyebrows furrowing in thought. He gave a slow shake of his head, “I’m afraid I can’t say. I just know he’s not a slave to his hunger in that body he once had.”
My heart sank. I wish I could have had a glimpse into what Isaac saw, but I knew I needed to trust his intuition of the situation. And with that, I went to bed trying to block the day from my mind.
As for today, well, I feel somewhat better about my situation. This was due to Raæin. As I hung at the end of the caravan, I noticed Raæin was still keeping close to me. I thought it completely bizarre. Why would this creature want to hang around me? I was sure he saw quite clearly (if not got singed himself) what I had done back in the ruins. And if he knew about my other horrible mistakes… what would he think of me…
As I let the guilt of my mistakes take over once more I decided I best ask Raæin. What was his opinion of me? Might as well confirm that I’m alone and no one here is particularly happy with my presence. Let alone, how could I ever be honored of such a friendship with a Unicorn? It just didn’t make sense. So I ventured to ask.
“Raæin,” I said timidly, “What do you think of me?”
The Unicorn looked at me with appraising eyes, unblinking, for a time.
"I think you are a confusing creature, Mistress,” Raæin finally said in a very Earthly tone and with the wisdom one would expect from a Unicorn continued, “You are an Angelic, as holy as any I have known, and yet the mark of your fall is so obvious in the lines around your eyes and the shadow of the frown you wear when you think no one else is watching.”
I reeled in my head a bit at the thought of how observant Raæin had been. It would seem he had been observing me even before the ruin incident...
Raæin continued on, “I have wondered, at times, during my short time with you, why it was that you fell. But then, I have asked myself if it would really matter. Look at what I was when you first met me, and yet it was not my true self, and what about the path that led me to that place? Are we to judge one another from where we have come from, or to where we are going when there is so much uncertainty about either of those paths? No, I believe it is best to view every creature as it is, in this moment, with its wants and dreams and aspirations as they are, unfettered by the prospects of the future or the phantoms of the past.
"But I must apologize, Mistress, for I tend to ramble and have not answered your question in full. You are confusing to me not because of your past or future, but because you seem to me as though you walk beneath a heavy load. One which, if I may be so bold to say so, I do not think is yours to bear."
A sense of peace fell over me. It was already amazing to have him with the group, but to be addressed so formally and without contempt, it was refreshing. It was like a light suddenly shedding on the darkness I thought I was. Granted, I did some terrible things, but for once, they truly felt like mistakes and not guilt from something that must have been purposeful... with the exception of my sister that is. I also took comfort in knowing I was trying to be better about not being so quick to judge. If anything, I’m overly critical of myself than my party. I can’t deny any of the bad feels I may have acquired, but the part that bothered me the most about all of it was that it seemed it was becoming assumption that I’m an awful person. I felt like I’m trying too hard to prove I’m good. Isn’t that something that was supposed to come naturally? I guess I just wish these people were more forgiving. Can’t they see or understand that what had happened was completely against my character? Perhaps the mark of my fall had given false presumptions...
I walked further on, letting the guilt and frustrations play out in my mind. I hated how my body hurt with physical and emotional pains! How simple life was in the Kingdom… I longed to go back to the peace filled days. Why Heironious did you become corrupted!? Why? I pondered.
“Mistress?” Raæin called out to me, sensing the dark cloud that had come over me. I shook away the gloom. Did I really just have a moment of longing to go back to Heironious? I asked myself.
I looked to Raæin, trying to not think about Heironious anymore. As I looked upon him it registered what he had just said. Why had he called me 'Mistress?' Surely he didn't perceive me greater than him. I knew I wasn't as good as him, it had been too apparent my inability of doing good consistently.
"You really are something Raæin,” I replied finally, “I didn't mean to go all quiet on you there. What you've said gave me a lot to think about... The wisdom in your words I feel am just beginning to realize. With how I interact with people, I'm trying to keep in mind their intentions and not basing who they are off of what just happened. As for myself, it would seem I have been exempt of such a notion,” I said with a touch of bitterness, but I pushed it aside as I decided to elaborate to Raæin about the guilt I carried. Unicorns were familiar with the heavens, so I figured he'd understand my frustrations.
“I guess I have been carrying around a lot of guilt. It's not like anyone here seems to have noticed. That is no one but you. It's just... I don't know. I'm back here in this mortal plain and have done things I wish I could forget. All I've wanted to do was good here. Instead I’ve made so many mistakes that I feel like I don't know who I am any more. Like somehow this fall has condemned me to never being able to do what's right," I took a deep breath reminding myself I was having a private conversation with Raæin, even though it was in Sylvan. As I thought about what I had said too, I realized I was just making circles. Raæin had already given his advice, his opinion of me. He gave me a feeling of self worth I thought I had lost.
"Sorry, I almost got lost in that tangent. In all Raæin, tank you for your words. You've given me some hope and have reminded me that I'm not a monster because of my mistakes. I still have my vision of what I hope to accomplish, I just need to be more careful about how I go about doing what's right.
"By the way,” I added, not wanting to drop what I had heard earlier, “why did you call me Mistress? I certainly didn't restore you to your true form. Plus, you know I am fallen. At most you should call me by my name for I do not think I'm worthy to be above thee.”
Raæin shook his mane of hair as he said, “Oh no, sorry. ‘Mistress’ is merely a term of reference, like calling a young boy ‘child.’ Would you prefer if I used your first name?”
“Yes. Araja would be just fine,” I answered. We walked a little further and I then became curious why it was Raæin chose to stay with. Why was it he hadn’t chosen to go off in search of other Unicorns? “Raæin, not to pester you or make you seem unwanted, especially right now, but why is it you've chosen to continue on with me and this party?" I carefully asked.
"I’m quite certain my herd has undoubtedly passed on long ago and so I have no where else to go,” Raæin said before adding, “you also smell familiar. The scent is very similar to someone I once knew long ago...”
That was a curious bit of news. I hadn't a clue why I would be so familiar. I didn’t know of any Unicorns during my time in the mortal realm and I knew my parents and sister didn’t interact with any either. Plus, not to mention the layer of grime all over my body from the weeks without a bath.
“That is interesting to know." I replied softly. We walked on a little further. There was a lightness in my mood. It was refreshing compared tot he past few days, especially in the past 24 hours.
On the note of my scent being familiar, I had to wonder if by chance he had regained some memories. So I asked in around about manner if he remembered any more from his past.
"To bad your memories are faint. I'm sure you had many stories to tell. If there were any you could remember, I sure would enjoy a tale or two as we continue on our travels.” I said not expecting Raæin to respond. I was sure I already knew what the answer was and didn’t want to pointedly keep pestering a possibly sensitive subject.
"My time in Hell has, unfortunately, cost me most of my memories,” Raæin reminded me, but he continued on, “All I really have now are impressions and images. I remember fields of tall grass and wild flowers. Deep forests with reflecting pools. Beings of light and beauty. There was always a little girl with me, the one who smelled like you, but I can't remember why she was there. She's the only human I can remember ever seeing in the forest,” then it was silent once more.
I couldn’t help but wonder who that girl was. How was it I happen to remind Raæin of her? Did I know her? Meryth came to mind as I pondered on this mysterious girl. Meryth wasn’t mysterious or anything, but she was my little sister. She would have been worth of such a friendship with a Unicorn. In fact, her birthday is in 3 days, on Baer 4th. I know I will do something and that’s what I've thought the rest of today's travel toward Hommlet.
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